As you maybe aware I have been absent from this blog since the beginning of December, I have be going through a very personal struggle in my life and blogging came to a halt. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and finally on the track to getting the help i need. I have decided to create a post not personally about my struggle but a post about depression all together. I feel there is still a huge stigma about depression and the reason why their is so little help is because people are to afraid to get the help because of this stigma. I was one of these people until I broke, Maybe this post wont help anyone might not even reach anyone but that small chance it might help someone speak out and find the help they need.
The main thing about depression is can be hidden so well, my family and friends had no idea because of how well i hid my pain. I used to think to myself no can know because ‘they’ll just think I’m attention seeking’, ‘they wont understand’ but how wrong i was. Now i look back and think all i needed was to ask for help, again but this can be challenging. The thoughts and thoughts you continually think you start to believe and start to live in this lie you have created.
My most hated question “How can she have depression, what does she have to be depressed over?” the thing is i don’t even know the answer to why i’m depressed, and yes i can look fine one day and be out with my friends having a laugh, but what you don’t see and what i choose not to show the world. When i’m home i cant even move or get out of bed or crying uncontrollably and not wanting to be here anymore. Yes I may not looked depressed but please don’t tell me I cant feel the way i do because someone else has had it worse please don’t make me feel more guilty for how i feel.
“you never look sad, How can you be depressed” Again i only chose what to show the world, but also depression to me is not constantly feeling sad. It’s feeling numb and empty and not feeling anything at all. Feeling trapped and you cant find a way to escape. It’s desperately wanting to do something but not having the motivation to even get out of bed.
I saw this quote and it just sums everything up.
There is help out there and i know its hard to ask for help,i couldn’t even until i broke. Sometimes its easy talking to someone who isn’t close to you, I found it easier explaining all the rubbish in my head to a doctor. Luckily my doctor was really helpful for me. Depression can be the loneliest place and you feel like there’s no escape from it, you don’t need to struggle alone.
And for anyone who’s out there who might think their friend or family member is struggling and could have depression or any other mental health problem just talk, not pressured don’t ask why your sad or whats wrong (its the hardest question to answer) just listen and let them know your there for them and until they feel comfortable to explain just listen is the best way.
you can make an appointment with your doctor and they will go through with you the help they have to offer. My doctor gave me a leaflet about IAPT now im not too sure if they have this in every city/village but i know where i live they have this to offer and i know Leeds has this to offer as well. Iapt is varity of different programmes and you find the one to suit you;
There are three main options which are Group sessions, online programme and 1-1 therapy.
Group sessions: There is a few sessions to choose from stress related, anxiety related and depression related. how this work is a bunch of professionals and people who have personally been through talk about their story and how they overcome. you do not have to talk about your personal you just got and listen and find ways to cope.
Online sessions: This is an online course and you work at it at your own pace and it is flexible.
one to one therapy: you will see a therapist every week and they will guide you through and help you make positive choices and help you find a way of overcoming depression.
There is also may useful sites online that can help.